This too shall pass.
We’ve all heard this saying, it’s important to be reminded of this from time to time. Especially in times of grieving.
There seems to be a lot of grief at the moment; lost loved ones, family, friends, and of course, pets. Additionally, some people are grieving the loss of ability due to injury or illness; such as the ability to drive, walk and run, see clearly, eat foods we used to love, and maintain our life, jobs and hobbies in general. Grief and loss can also be felt, if we move into a new phase of life, if we move house, leave a job, retire, end a relationship, or if other children reject us at school. If we move into a new chapter of our lives, even one that we’ve been striving or yearning for, this can also carry a ‘side dish’ of grief for that which we’ve shed, in order to move forward.
Grief is typically held in the lungs according to Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM). Lungs are associated with metal element, and metal is all about Letting Go.
From the Ayurvedic perspective grief is associated with the Heart chakra.
It’s interesting to note from the anatomical / physical perspective the lungs literally embrace the heart. As you breathe, in and out, every breath, embraces your beautiful heart.
When people experience grief, they often shallow breathe or hold their breath. So, observe your breath, and make sure yours are deep and healthy. Go for a walk outside to help keep the breathing and lungs moving. Prevent stagnation, and avoid too much stillness.
The centerpiece of the integration of grief is not the mind, but the heart. Alan D. Wolfelt
I believe in honouring the feelings that surface and wish to express. Suppressing them, or certainly suppressing them for too long, isn’t an ideal strategy. Those feelings will come back later, and may be ‘bigger’ next time, or take on a less friendly form next time round.
Grief is the antidote to trauma. Dr Gabor Maté
Go easy on yourself and remember that grief is a normal and natural response to loss. There is no need to think that you’re overreacting.
There are various stages of grief.
Different texts suggest a different number of stages. They can surface in any order, and sometimes, repeat. Resist the temptation to analyse too much, if you are in the midst of grieving. It’s perhaps best, simply to remember and acknowledge that you are moving through these stages, allow them to happen, and be gentle with yourself throughout all.
You may experience; shock, denial and disbelief, deep sadness, feeling disoriented, anger or even rage, acceptance.
In some cases people may disconnect from their own feelings, if the feelings become too overwhelming. As much as this can be a normal reaction for some, and it may give the illusion that the person is “coping” or handling it, this is not ideal, and is often a sign of a block, or an unhealthy past behaviour or coping mechanism that is recurring.
The grief can resurface later as mentioned above, and in some cases could be more difficult to process.
One of the hardest things to do, but probably the most important/valuable, is to allow the feelings to be there. Distraction techniques aren’t ideal or at least not long term. Small windows of time, where you temporarily ‘escape’, for example watching a movie, can offer a little reprieve from the overwhelming feelings, if you feel you’re overcome by them. But remember to come back to the feelings to allow them to be there and express.
Your emotions need to be honoured and acknowledged – Feel the Feelings.
This is a normal part of the process. And it won’t last forever.
We shall be saved in an ocean of tears. Dr Gordon Neufeld (Video explanation)
Children
Children may need additional support and acknowledgement that what they’re feeling is normal and natural. Always remember that the kind of incident or loss that a child may grieve, might seem small and incidental to an adult. However it’s absolutely critical for the long term emotional wellbeing of the child, that their feelings of grief are acknowledged and respected. If Mum and Dad or caregivers dismiss or brush aside the child’s feelings as an overreaction or ‘silly’, or worse – perhaps regarding their feelings as comical or cute, this can lead to long term trauma and unhelpful belief systems and coping mechanisms, which can inhibit them later in life.
Helpful tools and tips to support you:
- Stay hydrated (Sounds simple, but when we’re under pressure, it’s easy to forget.)
- Avoid alcohol
- Maintain regular nourishing meals, they can be smaller than normal if you prefer, but aim to keep them regular.
- Bach flower – Star of Bethlehem
- If individual Bach flowers are hard to find, you can try the “Rescue Remedy” mix available at supermarkets and chemists.
- Bush flower essences – Sturt Dessert Pea
- Make sure you sit or stand on the earth (grass or sand) and maybe even put your feet in the ocean, this will help you to ground, and the saltwater of the ocean has a cleansing effect on the energy body.
- Negative ions in the air close to the beach, help to lift mood.
- Catch a little sunlight during the day, to support your circadian rhythms to help you sleep and maintain your balance.
- Taking some time out in nature, can ground you and provide a sense of calm and stability not easily replicated indoors.
- Keep the communication lines open with a few quality friends, make sure you’re interacting with other people, to prevent a spiral downwards unnecessarily or in an unhealthy manner.
- If it feels right for you, lighting a candle in the evening (and minimise modern lighting) can have a soothing effect.
- A bath with Epsom salts (magnesium) can support the nervous system, and perhaps add an essential oil such as Frankincense (grounding) or Lavender (calming).
- Make sure you sleep in a timely manner and as well as possible. There are various Sleep teas, so choose one that you resonate with.
- Also Licorice Root tea is an adaptogen, and can help you to cope with shock, and adapt to change.
- Avoid excessively large noisy crowds.
- Children (depending on age) may benefit from keeping a soft toy close by more than they normally would, and a few extra doses of quiet, restful hugs with Mum or Dad.
Above all – Be gentle with yourself.
Support person
If you are supporting someone that is grieving, please remember that you also need to take care of yourself. Nourish yourself, not specifically with food as such, but with quiet reflective time. Time to process and acknowledge your own feelings. Supporting someone going through this, can occasionally trigger a latent issue within the carer.
As the saying goes, you can’t pour from an empty cup.
Pets
Be mindful that our pets grieve too, and they can pick up on the grief and trauma of their owners. There are ways to support pets though these challenging times. Here are a couple of options to begin with:
- Rescue remedy for pets
- Seek out an Intuitive Animal Communicator that can support your pet
If you are moving through grief personally (or supporting someone else) and you need additional support to process, and help the emotions shift, clear and release, or to make some sense of what you’re experiencing, please reach out. Also if you feel that you are perhaps overreacting to a situation, we can work together to understand what’s beneath, and resolve it. There will often be an underlying/historical situation that hasn’t properly been cleared, and hence what appears as an “overreaction” may occur.
Ideally reach out sooner rather than later, as we want to prevent the emotions becoming stuck or stagnant, before they mutate into something more problematic.
Let’s catch and nurture them early, and guide you to return to balance and calm.
I’m here to support you.
With love and light,
Malinda